RAOK #15 - What I Did About Her Dirty Deeds

I Forgave Her.

I had an entire lengthy and eloquent post written about all the things she's done, in a generic tone so she could not be recognized by most who read it.  The point was to have the readers grasp what a big deal it was to forgive someone who has done and continues to do so much damage, even though she's never asked for forgiveness. 

The hubs vetoed the post.  Said the important part of my message is about the forgiving part and not the recounting of her dirty deeds.

Dangit, I hate it when he's right (which is almost all the time, by the way)

He's right because the dirty deeds are not the message.  The message is . . . . FORGIVENESS IS YOUR CHOICE.

A wise counselor once taught me one very important lesson that I have never forgotten:

YOU DO NOT NEED SOMEONE TO SEEK YOUR FORGIVENESS OR ASK YOU FOR IT IN ORDER TO GRANT IT.  IT’S NOT ABOUT THEM, IT’S ABOUT YOU.   

When you wait around for someone to change or to ask for forgiveness, the control is theirs.  When you grant it on your own terms, the control is now yours and you are free to live your life without bitterness.  If you haven’t ever done this, I can’t explain to you the absolute freedom that comes when you choose to do it.  It’s like a weight has been lifted off of you.

When you don't forgive, eventually there's a black hole where your heart once was, as the bitterness, rage, anger, and conflict have burned right onto your soul.

It doesn’t matter what she has done.  By choosing forgiveness, I’ve won.  My conscience is clear, my heart is pure, and my soul is at peace.     

My forgiving her was a RAOK to her.  But it was also a big RAOK to myself.

FORGIVENESS.  BECAUSE YOU CHOOSE TO.  Give it a try.  It’ll change your life.


*Note: I forgave her a long time ago but she committed another dirty deed last week which is what prompted this post.  I forgave her for that one too.